Integration - Friday, November 22, 2024.

If you hold on, you're going to be okay. I promise you, the life you want is out there for you. — Barry Loukaitis.

Listening: Everything Works Out In The End by Kodaline

The last party I attended, I ended up crying and swore never to go again. I was so alone, so sad. I wanted nothing more to disappear from the world.

Yet somehow, I was sitting at a table surrounded by the very same honor society that I felt scorned me — in the same room too! Now, however, I wasn't an outcast — not really. In the last two weeks, I spent time becoming familiar with the members; I laughed with them, joked, discovered their names. Now, I talked freely, jumping into conversations, asking questions. The feeling of joy in my chest was overwhelming. I think I've integrated; I think I belong, I thought, grinning ridiculously.

The feeling was bolstered by the personality of the members. Never have I met a group of people so dedicated to academics, to their passions. Truly I think I can make it in this social group. Of course, I'm not so saccharine as to presume they “be like family,” but I am hopeful enough to hesitantly presume the possibility of friendship.

I have goals. I have a group. I have a place (here, in my college, the very place I am writing from) where I feel welcome, included, and safe. I can't say yet if life will only get better from here, but I'm hopeful. I'm so hopeful.

I hope to God I'm not disappointed again.