Listening: Maps by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.
My problem is limerence and my almost maladaptive daydreaming. It’s one thing to consider a fictional character “perfectly imperfect” (ie. Patrick Mulvaney); it’s another to consider a real person that. I have to remind myself that the man I dream of is not the man I know: my imagination does not reflect reality.
So it’s jarring when I interact with him, even when it’s online. Don’t treat me so formally, I think, reading his overly polite email. This isn’t how I want us to be.
Then reality hits like a slammed door. He has a girlfriend; he doesn’t know me; he doesn’t think of me; he is living in a opposite reality. I am not the creator of my life. In the end, what people do affects me, and I can’t control it. I can only control what I do about it.
So what will I do about my unrequited crush? The obvious answer is to “move on.” I know that would be the best choice, but I haven’t ended my crush. Deluded, I am waiting for a chance — but I know that chance will never come.